Shuttles
by PHXYote
Summary: The Enterprise has received two shuttles to expand scientific and medical duties planetside. What should they be named?


Captain Kirk was resting, shirtless, in his private quarters when his comm unit buzzed. "Message from Starfleet Command, sir," Lieutenant Uhura's voiced piped over. "From Areel Shaw. Shall I transfer it to your quarters?"

Areel Shaw! That was an unexpected surprise. Not long after his court-martial was dismissed, Areel decided she wanted to settle down and took a legal position at Starfleet. Good benefits and steady hours, she told him. She'd be doing investigations instead of prosecutions.

Kirk briefly wondered if he should put a shirt on. Give Areel a bit of a thrill.

"Captain? It's labeled confidential, non-urgent."

_Hmmm_.

"And it's recorded, sir."

_Oh. Too bad_. "Send it through Lieutenant."

Areel's image came through. "Jim," she smiled. "My apologies for not doing this live. Budget cuts mean anything that's not urgent has to be taped."

Oh. She would have preferred speaking to him live.

"It's good news, Jim. Starfleet has decided to give _Enterprise_ the first-ever fully loaded space lab shuttle. It's quite a feather in Mr. Spock's hat and I'm sure he'll be…well, anyone else will be thrilled. I'm sure he will find it pleasing and the other science staff will be thrilled on his behalf."

Oh, good. A happy, um, content Spock was a good Spock. One who wouldn't commandeer ships, for starters.

"And Jim," Areel continued. "There's more. Enterprise will also receive a shuttle outfitted as a mobile hospital unit, like the old MASH units they had on Earth."

Wow! Bones would be thrilled! And Nurse Chapel was a pretty good pilot, or so Spock had informed him.

"But Jim," Areel's image interrupted his thoughts. "Starfleet expects this particular shuttle to decrease Enterprises' Red Shirt casualties. I persuaded the Admiralty to hold off opening an investigation on this. So don't screw this up!

"And one last thing: these shuttles do not have names. After all, you guys will be using them. Maybe let the science and medical teams decide on names. Just make sure the names are acceptable and non-controversial, you know what I mean. Something nice like _Doeleman _or _Maimonides_.

"All right Jim. It's time for me to go home and have dinner at a reasonable hour," Areel laughed. "Shaw out."

Kirk found himself grinning at the empty screen. This was something—gifts for his two best pals on the ship! He was so excited he was halfway to the cabin door before realizing he still wasn't wearing a shirt.

* * *

McCoy's blue eyes widened a split second before a huge grin took over his face. "Jim, that's fantastic! Chris, come over here! You won't believe what Fleet's giving us!"

Kirk was happy to let McCoy give the good news to Chapel. "Oh Captain, that's wonderful! It's so much more efficient than beaming down supplies—and we'll be able to do more work planetside—"

"And I hope, reduce the casualty rate among the security staff," Kirk added. "It seems this is becoming a concern."

"Jim, there's only so much we can do when a person is vaporized!" McCoy protested.

* * *

Spock's eyebrow rose when Kirk gave him the news. "Most satisfactory news, Captain," he said. "I congratulate you on the award."

"Spock, you wrote the entire application. All I did was sign off."

"And your signature was a most impressive one, Captain."

* * *

The mess and rec rooms were buzzing with the news about the two new shuttles Enterprise were receiving.

"So what names do you propose for your shuttles, gentlemen?" Kirk asked his dining companions.

"I have an idea," Uhura cut in. "Let them name each other's shuttles."

"What is the logic in that, Lieutenant?" Spock asked.

"It would be _fun_, Mr. Spock."

"Fun? How so?"

"The names the groups select would reflect the regard personnel in the two departments have for one another," Uhura explained. "There's some overlap, you know, especially in the biolab and pharmacy. It would be _fun_ to see what they come up with."

"I do not understand."

"Of course you don't, Spock," McCoy huffed. "Nothing in that logical brain of yours appreciates the concept of _fun_."

"What I do know, Doctor, is that this ship's current component has exactly one non-Human aboard—"

"You mean a-half-non-"

"My point is that I really do not care what the shuttle is named. It will no doubt be given the name of some Earth scientist since alien achievements have not been widely recognized by Star Fleet."

"Are you saying everyone on this ship is prejudiced—"

"I am saying there is ignorance of the achievements on other planets. Vulcans developed warp speed—"

"I get it, I get it. We're all bigots here, Spock."

"Enough!" Kirk banged his hand on the table. "I bring good news and you two always manage to ruin it with your bickering!"

He looked at Uhura. "Good idea, Lieutenant." He then fixed his gaze on McCoy and Spock. "I expect you to consult with your staff and come up with images, rather than names, that personify the work done in the other's unit. Be nice," he growled, echoing Areel's warning.

* * *

Scotty and Spock were busy looking at ways to convert storage units into new shuttle bays.

"Unit D-17 appears to be grossly underused space for engineering equipment," Spock noted. Scotty stiffened. That was where he and a few engineers who shared certain pastimes had built an impressive whiskey still. Plans for a microbrewery were underway and a few of the female crew were researching ways to ferment grapes in space. All this added up to at least a couple dozen Fleet violations.

"We can move our equipment, no problem," he babbled back to Spock.

"Curious that such a large space has been so under-utilized," Spock mused. "Do you know what's in there?"

"Oh, this and that, you know, sir."

"This and that?"

"Oh, you know, sandbox places where the crew like to build and test new ideas. You're right, sir, it's more space than we need. I'll see to it that the equipment is moved right away." Scott hurried away.

Spock sat back, relieved. He really didn't want to be the guy to shut down Scott's still. He might be a cold-blooded computer but even he enjoyed a nice, even illicit, shot now and then.

For medicinal purposes, of course.

* * *

McCoy looked at the suggested names his staff emailed to him.

"Test Tube Babies"

"Couldn't handle med school" – Huh. Good one, M'Benga.

"Tall, dark, and mysterious"—no mystery who sent _that_ one in

"Hypothesis" – that was kinda clever

"PhDuhs" – OK, that was mean.

He'd have to come up with something on his own.

* * *

Spock was reviewing similar suggestions for the MASH shuttle at about the same time:

"Placebo"

"Warbler" – referring, he supposed, to the sound the handheld med scanners made

"I can fix that!"

"We're medical staff, not miracle workers" – illogical, that was far too long to fit on the side of a shuttle. Although fitting.

"Beautiful Blonde" accompanied with a cartoonish, albeit accurate and tasteful illustration of Nurse Chapel. Illogical that this should annoy him and make him uncomfortable. Nurse Chapel was a brilliant bio researcher. And she was beautiful. And kind. And had lovely eyes. And she made decent plomeek soup—

At least none of the suggestions from his crew were ethnocentric. He'd have to come up with a creative, yet accurate, name on his own.

* * *

The shuttles had arrived and to Kirk's pleasant surprise, brought a passenger for a quick visit—none other than Areel Shaw.

"I'm only here to make sure you guys don't come up with any stupid names," she grinned at him. Kirk put his hand on his heart. "I assigned my best staff to the project."

They were standing on a small podium into the new shuttle bay barely large enough to hold both shuttles, ready to announce the selected names Off-duty crew squeezed in, and the mood was festive. A few crew were playing guitar and harmonicas. A faint whiff of whiskey wafted from a corner next to Engineering's new storage space.

McCoy and Spock walked over to the podium to hand over sealed envelopes that contained the winning names. _They had better be acceptable_, Kirk thought to himself.

He opened McCoy's envelope first. "The selected name for our new science lab shuttle is—"

He cleared his throat and showed it to Areel. She put a hand over her mouth as she tried to choke back a laugh.

"Hobgoblin!"

The crowd laughed a little nervously. Spock gestured to Kirk: could he come to the podium?

Kirk stepped off to give him space. Spock cleared his throat. "On behalf of the science crew, I accept this name in the spirit in which it was bestowed. I had incorrectly and I now believe, undeservedly, labeled the crew at large as incapable of recognizing achievements made by what you term aliens. As an alien myself, I am perhaps too close to make a logical judgment.

"But I recognize this moniker is used with, yes, affection and I believe respect.

"I would also like to note that hobgoblins were originally thought to be helpful if somewhat mischievous spirits of Earth. Shakespeare's Puck was a hobgoblin. Let us remember the true history of these mythical, and I believe _enchanting,_ beings."

The group applauded and Spock stepped down. McCoy let out a sigh of relief. Chapel poked him. "I told you my suggestion was better."

Kirk hopped back up on the podium opened Spock's envelope. "And the name for our new medical shuttle is-"

This time he laughed. He laughed so hard tears ran down his face. Choking, he handed the paper to Areel. She read it and looked puzzled as she announced the name:

"Snakes and Rattles!"

For once in his life, McCoy was speechless. Behind him, people began to clap and whoop. A few came up to shake his hand while others slapped him on the back. Chapel and M'Benga clutched at each other, laughing and wiping their eyes.

Both the _Hobgoblin_ and _Snakes & Rattles_ went on to have distinguished careers with _Enterprise _and its crew for several decades. Their eponymous ancestors, of course, remain beloved to all who appreciate Star Fleet's best to this day.


End file.
